[...] I do use fill flash usually when shooting people outdoors but using it on birds scares the crap out of them so I avoid it.
It often depends on the size of the bird and your distance. I find that bigger birds like herons would completely ignore it. For smaller birds, if the initial distance is big enough (with a long enough lens e.g.), they might look at you initially but often won't leave. And after a while, they too will get used to it and ignore it. This Greater Yellowlegs was done with fill flash:
There were a bunch of them on a sand bar. This one ventured away from the group, got into a big puddle of water and then went back to the group. I was following it from across the water all the way. It looked at me from time to time initially. But eventually it just ignored me.
The biggest problem is that the RB's will sit and pose for you while demanding seed, the couple of WB's that I've seen are quite skittish and don't sit still very long. So I try my best to bracket the exposure and keep focusing. Just haven't taken an acceptable shot yet.
Hmm... The red-breasted nuthatch photo above might give the impression that the bird's staying still, but that's very far from reality, for that instance at least. One just have to set continuous focus tracking and then hit the motor drive big time regardless
Andy