Based on real events:
OK, what have we got. We got at least one casualty, maybe more that haven’t yet been uncovered. I see. What are you looking at? The sky looks like it might clear soon. That’s what I’ve heard. Anyway, have we got a victim identity yet? I think it’s a male, hard to say at this point, but the body was dragged from the other side of this juniper because you can see signs of a struggle on that side. I mean, do we know who it was? Well, if you look closely you can just make out the black and white head pattern of a Black-capped chickadee. Yes, you’re right, I think you’ve nailed it. Any idea what went down here? I think it’s rather obvious, isn’t it? OK, let’s pretend that I don’t see what you see ... so, walk me through it. Well, you can plainly see that less than a meter from the struggle-zone ... hold on, hold on, the struggle-zone? Sure, the area where the struggle occurred. I get that, Lieutenant, but is struggle-zone an official technical police term that I don’t know about? Perhaps it isn’t ... but it otter be. Are you actually suggesting that an otter was involved in this crime? No, no, of course not ... that would be insane! OK, just checking because you just said otter. Why are you staring at me like that? I was just messing with you ... please continue. Thank you.
As I was saying, less than a meter from the strugg ... I mean, the spot where some sort of physical altercation occurred, you will observe a fallen bird feeder and a scattering of bird seed on these wooden boards. We’re in the middle of a garden here, what the blazes are these bi-coloured wooden boards doing here? I’m glad you asked that. Why? Is it pertinent to the case? No, not at all. It’s just that I asked myself the same question and then realized that it’s no more than an artistic statement. Oh, come on now! You mean to tell me that someone installed a two meter boardwalk in the middle of a flower bed, alternately painted boards in a different shade just to make an artistic statement? That’s nuts! Yes, I agree, there are quite a few nuts scattered among the spilled bird seed. Enough! What’s the significance of the fallen feeder, if any, and how does it explain the crime, or help identify a possible suspect? Come on, Captain! ... Really? Don’t you see it? We had a wind storm last night, right? Yes, it was ferocious. I was going to take a walk and then thought better of it. Well, that ferocious wind pulled down the feeder, you see, causing the seed & nuts to spill all over this art installation ... hold on, let’s not seriously call this boardwalk-to-nowhere an art installation, because if this is art then I’m Cinderella. What? Why are you looking at my shoes? ... Did I step in something? No, no, not at all. Anyway, I hear you but I don’t have to agree with you. As I was trying to say, the spilled seed forced the victim to feed on the ground very close to this juniper instead of way up on the perch assigned to the feeder. OK, I’ll buy that ... go on. If you lift up the lower part of the juniper you can see cat hair all over the place. So, a cat has obviously spent a great deal of time hiding under the concealment of this juniper. When the victim came close enough ... merely a couple of hand spans away ... hand spans? Ya, the span of your hand, you know ... maybe 15 cm, or so. Why don’t you just say 15 cm or so, and not resort to some arcane term like hand-spans? What, are you a Pharaoh? ... Why are you looking at me like that? ... please, continue, I’m intrigued. When the chickadee was close enough the cat pounced, then struggled with the chickadee, broke its neck and then dragged the body to the other side of the juniper, which is where we discovered it this morning. I guess that’s a plausible scenario. Any sign of the perp? Well, the neighbour owns a cat so that’s where I think our investigation should lead. Great, keep me posted. You’re doing a fine job. Oh, by the way, I see that the CSI team is here, and I see yet another crime has been committed. I beg your pardon Captain ... what do you mean? Do you see what she’s wearing? That’s what you call a crime of fashion. I can’t handle it all this morning. You can take it from here because I really desperately need a coffee! Should I arrest her? For what? A misdemeanour of clashing colours? The sun is breaking through so it’s going to get worse. I'm otter here. Do you want a full report by this afternoon? Whatever!
House cats kill an estimated 100 - 350 million birds each year in Canada, but fewer birds are killed by cats near an art installation, ergo keep your feeder high and invest in garden art. I'm just saying.
